[Crow appears on the feed, dressed in his festive...red nose. That's it. Times are tough in this economy kids and even someone like Crow's feeling the hurt. But that doesn't stop the holiday spirit!

Anyhow, Crow's ready to kick this thing into gear.]

Well the Christmas season's upon us again (or if you're a certain trashcan the less important and embarrassing holiday Lifeday). But some of you must be wondering: what is Christmas? And like most of you, those people live under a rock.

Let me explain: Christmas is a magical time, a time of jolly fat men in red suits, Coca-cola product placements, and using the emotions of your loved ones to get what you want! But most importantly, it's a time we gather round and remember the reason Christmas even exists: Patrick Swayze. Yes, he's the bouncer of Christmas, guarding the north pole from the Martian threat until Santa is ready to deliver his presents.

And so to honor the Christmas spirit of Swayze, I have a little carol to sing. Normally Tom would sing this, but bear with me--and sing along if you want!

And now: 'Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas'.


( Follow the bouncing dot )

[The feed opens to Crow T Robot, standing in what looks like Nexu's quadrant. He carries only his VCR and his videotape. Clearing his throat, Crow tries to make himself look professional as possible.]

Hello, you may have or hopefully not have heard of Tarn. Boy, who would've figured he had a history?

Anyhow, as you may know, I have always remained unaffiliated in anyway with Tarn or people named Tarn or any similarities to the name. However, there are some who might disagree.

That is why I am going on the lam. Some of you might say this proves my guilt, but I respond with the inspiring words of Rutherford B Hayes: "It is only justice that has the courage to run away."

And so, I am doing the right thing and running away to an American embassy on Cybertron. I'm sure they have them here...I mean, America has embassies EVERYWHERE.

Anyhow, so long from the completely innocent and unaccountable Crow.

(Crow T Robot was a busy bot these days: doing PR stuff for Tarn (sleeping on the job), making fun of newbies, and getting inducted into the ranks of the Decepticons. You could say the things that happened to Crow in the past few days were horrifying, demoralizing, even disgusting. But you aren't Crow, so shut up. What Crow says goes as he shows off the new Decepticon symbol on his chest.)

Hey guys, check it out! Guess that means I'm an official cop now! I mean sure, it hurt a lot and I kinda glossed over half of what they said, but hey, I'm just glad to be given authority over all you people.

And it's all thanks to my friend/substitute father figure Tarn! That is why I've written a small rap in honor of him.

(In a few seconds Crow starts beatboxing with his mouth, a lame attempt at it, anyway.)

Yo! Unh! Crow represent!
Lemme tell you a story of the hood
My pal Darn he's so darn good
He's the guy with the voice
You....you got no other...choice! (Yeah)
He's the man with the plan
He's not from Iran
So if you wanna be hooked up
Be a cop like me, just look up
My buddy Tarn
Don't.............uh, harm!

Word.